//Yeeeea I’ve already warned my parents that I’m never going to fully “grow up”. I promise you guys, I will never stop being a kid. It’s just a part of who I am. *shrugs shoulders*
What she said stopped him in his tracks. Opening his eyes, he stared at her, unsure of how she thought the two were even remotely similar. “That-It’s different.” he said. Here she was, giving him what he wanted, and he couldn’t. He couldn’t let go. He would forget for a while, live his meager life, but he would never let go. Letting go of his guilt would be like saying it’s okay that she’s dead. That what he did was okay. His guilt kept her alive. Sydney’s guilt just held her back.
She couldn’t even begin to imagine what he’s gone through since her death, losing both his girlfriend and mother at the same time. Not wanting to upset him anymore though, she agreed to be free of her guilt. “I just…I don’t like seeing you hurting…” He hid his pain well from her, so well that she sometimes would wonder how he was so good at it. She knew it was there though, hiding and waiting to come out. Eric had only let himself really feel that pain once around her and it was the hardest thing to watch, even harder to listen to.
“I know, and you won’t have to. I promise.” He shouldn’t have let his emotions get the better of him again. Eric knew how much it bothered her to see him like this, and she really didn’t need anymore to worry about. Honestly, he was simple enough where if he didn’t think about it, it didn’t hold him back. But he needed to work harder. Maybe he could let go, in time, but right now, he just wanted to focus on Sydney right now. He took a moment to gather himself. Opening his eyes, he smiled at her. “See? All better.”
Seeing his smile made her heart skip a beat as she smirked at him. She was already holding him so close so why not give it a try. Sydney pulled his face down so that their lips barely touched, just enough to drive her crazy. Maybe I could give him a better kiss today…Letting out a shaky breath, she kissed him lightly but then put a little more force behind it to test herself. Surprisingly, the pain wasn’t anything she couldn’t handle. The scary part was, she was starting to build up an immunity to it. His lips were soft, moist, and warm against hers as she brought her tongue out, gently licking his lips before she continued to kiss him.
He still felt the hollowness of guilt eating away at him, but when she brought her lips to his, it began to fade. Eric still felt heavy, but Sydney was making it go away, just like she always did. When her tongue licked along his lip, he shivered, the sensation tingling down his spine. Moaning, he put a little more pressure against her lips, biting gently. His control was stable, but he pulled away anyway, knowing he shouldn’t push her too soon. “Thanks. I needed that.” he said, giving her a half smile.
No. Not this time. Those words melted his heart, but she wasn’t gonna make him forget this time. “I love you too, and that’s why you’ve got to let this go. It’s not your fault.” he repeated again. “Girlie, I know how much that hurts, but you can be free from it, cause you didn’t do anything.” All he wanted was for her to live life, and she couldn’t do that trapped in the past. He got rid of Rick, but now she had to get rid of the guilt, otherwise, she’d never be able to go forward.
She let out a deep breath before answering. “Fine…but only if you let go too.” She knew about his past and how much he had probably been blaming himself for his mom’s death. Although he made the decision to join, he also made the decision to walk away because of an unfortunate accident that caused his girlfriend to die. They were never coming after his mom, they were going after him and Sydney had no idea where she would be if he was the one in that house when it burned down.
What she said stopped him in his tracks. Opening his eyes, he stared at her, unsure of how she thought the two were even remotely similar. “That-It’s different.” he said. Here she was, giving him what he wanted, and he couldn’t. He couldn’t let go. He would forget for a while, live his meager life, but he would never let go. Letting go of his guilt would be like saying it’s okay that she’s dead. That what he did was okay. His guilt kept her alive. Sydney’s guilt just held her back.
She couldn’t even begin to imagine what he’s gone through since her death, losing both his girlfriend and mother at the same time. Not wanting to upset him anymore though, she agreed to be free of her guilt. “I just…I don’t like seeing you hurting…” He hid his pain well from her, so well that she sometimes would wonder how he was so good at it. She knew it was there though, hiding and waiting to come out. Eric had only let himself really feel that pain once around her and it was the hardest thing to watch, even harder to listen to.
“I know, and you won’t have to. I promise.” He shouldn’t have let his emotions get the better of him again. Eric knew how much it bothered her to see him like this, and she really didn’t need anymore to worry about. Honestly, he was simple enough where if he didn’t think about it, it didn’t hold him back. But he needed to work harder. Maybe he could let go, in time, but right now, he just wanted to focus on Sydney right now. He took a moment to gather himself. Opening his eyes, he smiled at her. “See? All better.”
“It wasn’t your fault! My mom burning cause I pissed someone off was my fault! You being a kid and asking your dad for something doesn’t make you responsible! You couldn’t have known!!” Eric’s eyes were shut, his head tucked into his chest. He wanted to take this away from her. He knew the pain guilt could cause, he still lived with it everyday, no matter how much he hid it, or how much Sydney distracted him from it, it always returned. But she didn’t have to live with it! “It’s not your fault.” he whispered again.
Sydney could tell that this topic had brought up some bad memories and hated hearing the hurt in his voice. There I go again, hurting him. He was right, and the only way she could help him was by listening to him. “Hey.” she whispered, bringing her hands up to hold his face and waiting for him to open his eyes. Once he did, she brought his face down so that their foreheads were touching, Sydney breathing in his scent. “I love you. So much baby.”
No. Not this time. Those words melted his heart, but she wasn’t gonna make him forget this time. “I love you too, and that’s why you’ve got to let this go. It’s not your fault.” he repeated again. “Girlie, I know how much that hurts, but you can be free from it, cause you didn’t do anything.” All he wanted was for her to live life, and she couldn’t do that trapped in the past. He got rid of Rick, but now she had to get rid of the guilt, otherwise, she’d never be able to go forward.
She let out a deep breath before answering. “Fine…but only if you let go too.” She knew about his past and how much he had probably been blaming himself for his mom’s death. Although he made the decision to join, he also made the decision to walk away because of an unfortunate accident that caused his girlfriend to die. They were never coming after his mom, they were going after him and Sydney had no idea where she would be if he was the one in that house when it burned down.
What she said stopped him in his tracks. Opening his eyes, he stared at her, unsure of how she thought the two were even remotely similar. “That-It’s different.” he said. Here she was, giving him what he wanted, and he couldn’t. He couldn’t let go. He would forget for a while, live his meager life, but he would never let go. Letting go of his guilt would be like saying it’s okay that she’s dead. That what he did was okay. His guilt kept her alive. Sydney’s guilt just held her back.
Eric felt like utter shit when he realized he’d hurt her. Pulling away as fast as possible, he waited for it to pass, feeling even worse that he couldn’t do anything. Listening to her explanation, Eric let go of her, knowing if he held on, he’d crush her to him. Instead, he bent down, putting his face right in front of hers. “Were you driving the car that crashed into him? Cause that’s the only way it would be your fault.” Eric had heard of ‘survivor’s guilt’ before, but this was different. She hadn’t even been there and she blamed herself. Which was ridiculous no matter which way he looked at it. But he couldn’t find the right words to convince her. He could feel himself shaking, and closed his eyes, trying to calm down.
“N-No but he wouldn’t have been t-there if I didn’t ask h-him t-to go.” She saw the way he was shaking and it broke her heart because she knew he just wanted to hold her and take away her pain. Sydney had lived with this guilt for the past eight years and this was the first time she was telling anyone about it. “Max never knew what our dad was like and it was because I was too impatient to wait for damn ice cream the next time they went grocery shopping!” Her voice was clear and strong, the hurt and guilt seeping through her words. Her body was shaking as she clenched her fists, her breathing getting more and more shallow as the heart monitor beeped faster.
“It wasn’t your fault! My mom burning cause I pissed someone off was my fault! You being a kid and asking your dad for something doesn’t make you responsible! You couldn’t have known!!” Eric’s eyes were shut, his head tucked into his chest. He wanted to take this away from her. He knew the pain guilt could cause, he still lived with it everyday, no matter how much he hid it, or how much Sydney distracted him from it, it always returned. But she didn’t have to live with it! “It’s not your fault.” he whispered again.
Sydney could tell that this topic had brought up some bad memories and hated hearing the hurt in his voice. There I go again, hurting him. He was right, and the only way she could help him was by listening to him. “Hey.” she whispered, bringing her hands up to hold his face and waiting for him to open his eyes. Once he did, she brought his face down so that their foreheads were touching, Sydney breathing in his scent. “I love you. So much baby.”
No. Not this time. Those words melted his heart, but she wasn’t gonna make him forget this time. “I love you too, and that’s why you’ve got to let this go. It’s not your fault.” he repeated again. “Girlie, I know how much that hurts, but you can be free from it, cause you didn’t do anything.” All he wanted was for her to live life, and she couldn’t do that trapped in the past. He got rid of Rick, but now she had to get rid of the guilt, otherwise, she’d never be able to go forward.
“Stop it!” he growled, pulling her tight. “What is it that you don’t deserve, huh? Someone who’ll take care of you? Of Max? Someone who loves you unconditionally? Why? Cause you were just a little kid who wasn’t superman?” He knew he was being harsh, but he couldn’t understand her! He loved her, god, he loved her so much. Why was she backing out now? The way she was talking sounded like him a few weeks ago, but she beat that out of him. He was staying, and dammit, he wasn’t about to lose her to some bullshit excuse like that.
She whined loudly when he held her tight, his hugging pushing against her jaw and causing even more pain. Sydney felt him let go immediately, calming down to make sure she was alright. She needed a moment to let the pain pass as she took in deep breaths through her nose so that she wouldn’t aggravate her jaw anymore than it already had been. Once the pain was bearable enough, she got the courage to speak to him again. “That day…” She swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing. “I wanted ice cream and we were out of it. He said he’d be back in ten minutes. I wanted to g-go w-with him b-but he t-took the bike a-and said it would b-be f-faster if he went b-by h-himself.” The tears were silently streaming down her face, her cries being contained out of sheer will power.
Eric felt like utter shit when he realized he’d hurt her. Pulling away as fast as possible, he waited for it to pass, feeling even worse that he couldn’t do anything. Listening to her explanation, Eric let go of her, knowing if he held on, he’d crush her to him. Instead, he bent down, putting his face right in front of hers. “Were you driving the car that crashed into him? Cause that’s the only way it would be your fault.” Eric had heard of ‘survivor’s guilt’ before, but this was different. She hadn’t even been there and she blamed herself. Which was ridiculous no matter which way he looked at it. But he couldn’t find the right words to convince her. He could feel himself shaking, and closed his eyes, trying to calm down.
“N-No but he wouldn’t have been t-there if I didn’t ask h-him t-to go.” She saw the way he was shaking and it broke her heart because she knew he just wanted to hold her and take away her pain. Sydney had lived with this guilt for the past eight years and this was the first time she was telling anyone about it. “Max never knew what our dad was like and it was because I was too impatient to wait for damn ice cream the next time they went grocery shopping!” Her voice was clear and strong, the hurt and guilt seeping through her words. Her body was shaking as she clenched her fists, her breathing getting more and more shallow as the heart monitor beeped faster.
“It wasn’t your fault! My mom burning cause I pissed someone off was my fault! You being a kid and asking your dad for something doesn’t make you responsible! You couldn’t have known!!” Eric’s eyes were shut, his head tucked into his chest. He wanted to take this away from her. He knew the pain guilt could cause, he still lived with it everyday, no matter how much he hid it, or how much Sydney distracted him from it, it always returned. But she didn’t have to live with it! “It’s not your fault.” he whispered again.
((Rough sketch of Sydney and Eric. I’m gonna ink it and color it later, and fix the couch. But whad’ya think?))
((AS;DKFAUINOABSFJSDFABFUABSDFMLKLKJV!!! Their faces too!! xD That’s EXACTLY how I imagined them! Awesome job Beth :D))
((shanks :) I’m gonna scan it in when I’m done, so the quality will be better, too.))
When she finally turned to him, Eric looked into her eyes, shocked at what she said. “You are not a burden. Your problems are my problems, Sydney.” He pulled her to him, tighter than he probably should have, but he avoided touching her back or her sides. Not knowing how to say it, he just held her. He wanted to know what was wrong so he could fix it, so he could take all of her pain away. And if he didn’t know how, he’d find someone who did. Anything to make her feel better.
“Stop being so nice to me! I don’t deserve you! It’s my fault my dad is dead and I d-don’t w-want that t-to h-happen to y-you t-t-to!” She broke, the tears coming faster than she would have liked. Even though Sydney had spent practically the whole night crying, they still managed to be just as strong as if it was the first time she cried in front of Eric all over again. Sydney buried her head into his neck, being careful not to bump her jaw on him but still crying nonstop.
“Stop it!” he growled, pulling her tight. “What is it that you don’t deserve, huh? Someone who’ll take care of you? Of Max? Someone who loves you unconditionally? Why? Cause you were just a little kid who wasn’t superman?” He knew he was being harsh, but he couldn’t understand her! He loved her, god, he loved her so much. Why was she backing out now? The way she was talking sounded like him a few weeks ago, but she beat that out of him. He was staying, and dammit, he wasn’t about to lose her to some bullshit excuse like that.
She whined loudly when he held her tight, his hugging pushing against her jaw and causing even more pain. Sydney felt him let go immediately, calming down to make sure she was alright. She needed a moment to let the pain pass as she took in deep breaths through her nose so that she wouldn’t aggravate her jaw anymore than it already had been. Once the pain was bearable enough, she got the courage to speak to him again. “That day…” She swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing. “I wanted ice cream and we were out of it. He said he’d be back in ten minutes. I wanted to g-go w-with him b-but he t-took the bike a-and said it would b-be f-faster if he went b-by h-himself.” The tears were silently streaming down her face, her cries being contained out of sheer will power.
Eric felt like utter shit when he realized he’d hurt her. Pulling away as fast as possible, he waited for it to pass, feeling even worse that he couldn’t do anything. Listening to her explanation, Eric let go of her, knowing if he held on, he’d crush her to him. Instead, he bent down, putting his face right in front of hers. “Were you driving the car that crashed into him? Cause that’s the only way it would be your fault.” Eric had heard of ‘survivor’s guilt’ before, but this was different. She hadn’t even been there and she blamed herself. Which was ridiculous no matter which way he looked at it. But he couldn’t find the right words to convince her. He could feel himself shaking, and closed his eyes, trying to calm down.
